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When Toddlers Are Bullies
"My preferred response to handling 'abusive' toddler behavior is to restrain the child," says Cohen-Posey. "Parents can simply hold their child's hands and say, 'In this house, no one hits.'" If the child does not try to hit again when her hands are released, "she has essentially taken external controls and internalized them for the moment." The process is a slow one, Cohen-Posey warns. "With my daughter," she relates, "we went through a good six months of this procedure before she stopped hitting."
If talking about their behavior seems to have no effect on toddlers, parents need to take the next step. "The child needs to understand that his poor choice is directly related to the consequence of losing something" a toy or playtime with friends "that should be 'earned' by making good choices," advises Thomson.
Usually, unwanted behavior in toddlers is simply a natural part of their social development and should not be cause for alarm. In rare cases primarily with adopted children who may have suffered neglect early in life, but occasionally in children of divorced parents when the child abruptly loses all contact with one parent the child may lose the ability to calm himself. "When children do not bond with a caregiver they cannot soothe or govern themselves and act out rage from early unmet needs by trying to rule everyone and everything around them," Cohen-Posey explains.
Children will usually cry when their privileges are revoked. Parents should realize that this is part of the learning process. The crying or sulking is a good sign it indicates that the parent has reached the child and the child is able to understand the consequences of her own actions. If time-outs and loss of privileges have no effect on the child's behavior, parents should seek professional help.
