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Home › Articles › Toddlers › When Toddlers Are Bullies

When Toddlers Are Bullies

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Perhaps the only thing worse than seeing another child hit your toddler on the playground is seeing your toddler hit another child. Intellectually, parents know that children won't always get along. Emotionally, however, it can be traumatic for parents to witness their children fighting sometimes violently with their peers. "Typical behaviors parents see in toddlers are pushing, hitting and difficulty sharing toys," says Kate Cohen-Posey, author of How to Handle Bullies, Teasers and Other Meanies. "Children at this age are very territorial. Further, their natural, inborn aggressive impulses have not yet been socialized, so when they are angry they strike out."

Dr. Gery Legagnoux, a child and adolescent psychologist on the faculty at UCLA, notes that "bullying is not an issue for toddlers. The toddler years are full of exploration and testing. The toddler is especially egocentric and therefore is not intentionally subjugating others for self-gratification or gain." He adds, however, that often, toddler behavior "is reminiscent of bullying behavior."

Usually, unwanted behavior in toddlers is simply a natural part of their social development and should not be cause for alarm. If time-outs and loss of privileges have no effect on the child's behavior, parents should seek professional help.

Cohen-Posey cautions, however, that even if the toddler is not actually a bully, parents must respond. "Toddlers are in the stage of discovering their autonomy. If they do not experience clear boundaries and limit setting [by their parents], their natural toddler tendencies to strike out will develop into true bullying."

As children grow and develop, they constantly test the limits imposed upon them. Infants quickly learn that crying brings comfort in the form of nourishment, cuddling and clean diapers. When parents stop responding to baby's every cry, children learn to communicate their desires in other ways. A toddler who is being denied something may choose bullying as a way of obtaining what he wants, according to Dr. Mike Thomson, author of Who's Raising Whom? Strategies for Saving Your Sanity

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