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Home › Articles › Toddlers › After Divorce

After Divorce

Minimizing Toddler Trauma

By Kendeyl Johansen

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Jennifer Leith from Canada helps her four kids cope with divorce by maintaining civility with her ex-husband. "Let [the kids] know that they can still care for their dad and want to see him, and that they should not feel guilty for their feelings for him," Leith says. "Actions speak louder than words. The way you behave during the exchanges, and during stressful times, will be watched."

Painless Juggling
After a divorce, some parents don't maintain contact with their children, but many enjoy regular visits with their kids. "Toddlers live in the present and can't 'plan' so decision-making responsibilities should be left to adults," says Dr. Sammons. Parents should address visitation issues, like length of stays, responsibly to minimize toddler trauma.

mother and son "Direct parent-to-parent handoffs create turmoil," Sammons says. "Pick up and leave kids at a neutral location (daycare, friend's house). Minimize transitions and short visits. Longer visits (e.g. overnight and whole weekends) work better."

Elizabeth Walker of Colorado has figured out how to smoothly swap kids with her ex-husband. "For my own sake, I never set foot in [my ex's] house, nor let him in mine," she says. "This gives me the sense that I control my own home. My kids clearly know who lives where and what the rules are at each house."

Leith adds, "Don't make life tougher than it needs to be by quibbling with your ex over '15 minutes' here or there or which day visits should take place on if it doesn't make a difference to you."

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