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Home › Articles › Toddlers › What Love's Got to Do With It: How Toddlers Express Affection

What Love's Got to Do With It: How Toddlers Express Affection

By Tamar Krantman Weiss

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The thought of Valentine's Day always conjures up images of boxes of chocolates and red roses from loved ones. What is Valentine's Day if not a day devoted entirely to the expression of affection? But affection is expressed in all sorts of ways. There are those who prefer a less ornate display of love and appreciation and those who favor elaborate demonstrations of affection. Toddlers are no different. As each day passes, it seems that we learn more and more about the forces at play that make these little personalities who they are. The more we learn about their likes and dislikes, the better we understand why they reach out and respond to us the way they do.

Dad and son Many parents may not realize that loving behavior expresses itself in ways that surpass hugs and kisses and actually begins long before toddlerhood. According to child psychologist and professor emirita of child development at Syracuse University Dr. Alice Sterling Honig, a child who seeks out and clings to or cuddles with his parents when scared, sick or tired demonstrates that he has been taught love by his parents. The child gains comfort by being reassured specifically by his parent and is in a sense relaying that he feels good because they are there for him. "This trust in your ability to provide safety and comfort is a strong sign of growing positive attachment and affection, and you can be proud that your loving empathy and attentive care have awakened these signs of true affection," says Dr. Honig.

There are extensive differences in personality among children. The way babies respond to and express affection are directly related to their individual temperaments. Rebecca, a special education teacher and mother of two toddlers, noticed that her 2 1/2-year-old daughter, Elizabeth, gives hugs freely when her parents act very silly with her. According to Dr. Honig, "Affectionate hugs are partly a response to [the] happiness and well being of toddlers ... and a reflection of temperament." That Elizabeth responds affectionately to such behavior fits in with her playful and quirky character. Rebecca's son is shy and more reclusive; he lovingly pats his mother's back when she hugs him in a gentle and quiet way. "Even a shy and intimate smile across

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