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The 7 Biggest Discipline Mistakes
A Primer for Puzzled Parents
By Michele Borba, Ed.D.
So you're trying to make your child quit bullying – or lying or cheating or defying you or "talking back" – and you're having little success. You've tried threatening, scolding and even begging, but nothing seems to work. Frankly, you're at your wit's end. How can you ensure that your child stops his bad behavior for good? The first thing you must do is re-think your approach to discipline.
Behavior is learned, so it can be unlearned. Parents need a specific makeover plan designed to half their kids' bad behavior. But before you can implement such a plan, you must first understand what you're doing wrong – and why it's wrong.
1. Thinking "It's just a phase."
Bad behaviors don't go away. They almost always need parental intervention. The longer parents wait, the more likely the behavior will become a habit. So don't call it a phase: Stop the bad behavior as soon as it starts.
2. Being a poor behavior model.
Our behavior has an enormous influence on our kids' behavior. After all, what they see is what they copy. So before parents start planning to change their kid's behavior, they need to take a serious look at their own.
3. Not targeting the bad behavior.
It's best to work on improving only one – and never more than two – behaviors at a time. And the more specific the plan the better. Don't say, "He's not behaving." Instead, narrow the focus to target the specific behavior you want to eliminate: "He's talking back." And the makeover will be more successful.
