Fight Fair

Don't Argue in Front of Your Kids

By Heather Johnson Durocher

When a discussion turns heated between Heidi and Manuel Chavez, they notice they're not the only ones who are affected by the escalating dialogue. Their infant son, Emilio, becomes upset, too. "His facial expressions change when we fight, argue or even change the tone of our voices," Heidi Chavez says.

The Seattle, Wa., couple tries to resolve their disagreements in front of Emilio to reassure him that all is well with his parents. "I think it may be OK sometimes to argue in front of your children because it teaches them fair fighting and resolution skills, and that even though two people may be mad at each other, the argument will eventually go away and the situation will get better," she says.

Once the disagreement is resolved, she adds, "Emilio realizes everything is OK again and the smiles go on and on. I don't believe in yelling and screaming and perhaps that may make a difference. My husband and I have good communication most of the time, so I am hoping this will rub off on our son."

The Chavez family is right on target, says Susan Ginsberg, Ph.D., author of the book Family Wisdom (Columbia Univ. Press, 1996). Ginsberg also is editor and publisher of Work & Family Life, a national newsletter that helps people balance their job and home responsibilities. "It's important for kids to understand their parents don't always see things the same way and airing different points of view can be helpful, because it shows people who disagree can continue in a loving relationship," she says.

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